Aging....Well

For better or worse, my head rarely allows an unexamined thought.  Lately (as in the past 10 years), the topic of aging has been on my mind.  Not constantly.  Not a full-on panic.  Just enough to really, really listen when someone is whispering about a new cream their dermatologist recommends or a smoothie ingredient someone feels is “doing the trick”.  

What I know for sure is I would like to age “well”.  As a result, my brain has been engaged in a full-on exploration of what exactly “aging well” means for me.  For example, do I want to take an artsy, heavily-beaded, flow-y-clothes, yoga-pose, love-my-wrinkles approach?  Or, do I want to throw money at it and turn my Nordstrom bill into a plastic surgery bill?  (Do they give you general anesthesia for lip injections?)  Am I relegated to turning my daily activity into one giant workout, supported by a few well-timed carrots if I’m interested in maintaining my physique?  Is caring about my physique a sign that I have missed the boat on internal beauty and what’s really important in life?   It’s hard to overcome the societal message that if we have wrinkles more extensive than “cute laugh lines”, we have somehow failed as a woman.  Culturally speaking, it would appear women are much more relevant if we’re also super hot, right?  Barf.  But let’s say I give into that idea a little bit and get injections and procedures, does that automatically disqualify me as someone who’s allowed to meditate?  Round and round my head goes.

At some point, no matter how much you have your internal world in order, these conflicting feelings about what it means to age are something that all women are called to reconcile.  For me, I have loved the process of getting older.  So far.  The years I spent watching Oprah with the intensity of a PhD student did not go to waste.  Oprah taught me to approach my life as one big learning opportunity.  As a result, for pretty much any experience in which I find myself, there is a post game analysis, a thoughtful revision or two and then I'm on to the next.   I surprise myself (in a bad way) when I occasionally wander to the part of me that’s shallowly interested in cultivating hotness when I’m 60, 75 and 93.  My love of all creams and potions is well documented.  I mean, at what age will I encounter what Mrs. Schumer so perfectly discusses in her (adult language) sketch?!:

Because the universe sends us help when we ask, I came across Christiane Northrup’s book, Goddesses Never Age: The Secret Prescription for Radiance, Vitality, and Well-Being.  The mind-body connection has been a topic of interest to me since the time talking about a mind-body connection was considered on par with dancing in a field with unicorns.  Thankfully, I feel a lot more normal now that these ideas are making their way into the mainstream.  I have been a longtime fan of her books on all things female, and this particular one felt like a gift since it illuminates the very topic that has been on my mind:  aging (or, as she would say, getting older) as a female.  

Christiane Northrup is a conventionally trained OB-GYN who began noticing that there was a connection between her patient’s emotional lives and their physical concerns.  She realized that there was a connection between what we believe about ourselves and what shows up in our lives, whether that be a physical ailment or difficult circumstance.  With an easily digestible writing style, Christiane has some valuable and convincing insights into how much of what we believe about getting older creates our experience of getting older.  It’s really interesting to chew on the idea of how our beliefs about aging show up in our lives.  Are you someone who just thinks your body just falls apart at 40?  Has it?

This book has brought me some new thought patterns to consider in my approach to getting older.  It’s like giving yourself the gift of good news on a topic that is usually filled with fear and aches and general dred.  Like anything else, you won’t read it and immediately have aging solved, but it will give you some tools to help you when you catch yourself buying into someone else’s Halloween-esque version of aging.  Check it out!

Keely

Book Recommendations

There was a time when my book club actually discussed books.  Once everyone started having babies, books set in India were replaced by “I Swear This Actually Happens to Your Body, Gross, Right?” pregnancy books.  Once the babies arrived, most of us entered a kind of intellectual walk in the wilderness.  It takes all you’ve got to read the relevant chapter of “Sleep, Child, Sleep For the Love of God, Sleep."  "The Goldfinch" is simply not possible after you’ve only pieced together 4 broken hours of sleep over the last 48 hours.  This is when many new mothers, myself included, fall prey to celebrity gossip.  Look!  Shiny magazine!  Pretty people!  Short paragraphs!  Wait, what day is it again? 

I look back on my celebrity gossip phase with a dash of shame, yet I also recognize it kept me company during some dark nights.  I knew my brain was coming back to life when I actually started feeling sorry for the celebrities because they were not able to go to Walgreens without an audience.  Going to Walgreens without makeup or brushed hair is a right that should not be denied anyone.  I decided it would suck to be famous.  In an effort to do my part to restore their privacy, I stopped paying attention to celebrity gossip.  Don’t worry, somehow I’m still aware of every move the Kardasians make.  Full disclosure, I continue to look at pretty pictures of my famous favorites in cute clothes, so long as they are in fashion-oriented magazines.  It’s like checking in with an old friend on Facebook.  Sure, there was a time we were a lot closer, but you look well, friend, you look well. 

So, I’m back on the books.  I’ve had a long sequence of non-fiction (parenting, biographies, etc.). Recently, I jumped back into fiction and it was like putting on an old pair of comfy yoga pants.  Yessssssss.  As many of us head to warmer parts of our great nation over the next couple of months, the following books are everything you want in a satisfying beach read:  well written, clever insights into human behavior and a little bit of mystery and intrigue.  All were written by an Austrailian author named Liane Moriarty.  Disclaimer:  I think at least one of these books was popular a few years ago.  I’m sorry if they are old news, but they have been trapped in my Kindle and I only re-discovered them recently!

 Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty

If you’ve ever found yourself at preschool pickup, this book will delight you.  Moriarty absolutely nails the personality types and the subtleties of human, particularly parent, interaction.  It’s clever and funny.  The book begins with a mysterious death at the school fund raiser and goes back in time to the events leading up to the incident.  Well crafted story.  A page turner.  They are also making a movie about this with Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman and a host of other fancy pants actors I would have stalked in the celebrity gossip years.

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty

Super cool premise.  Alice bumps her head during a spin class and forgets the past 10 years.  She finds that the life that she has built over the last 10 years is not necessarily the one she wanted or expected to have 10 years ago.  This one is also a page turner as Moriarty reveals aspects of Alice’s past little by little.  It’s fun to think about what’s happened in your life over the past 10 years and think if it would surprise your younger self.  More good human behavior insights.

The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty

I found myself doing a lot of “what would I do?” type daydreaming while reading this book.  There is some heavy material, but Moriarty’s clever writing style toggles between light and and dark.    

Maybe there's hope for my book club yet!  Happy Reading!

Keely 

Color Me Happy

If I’m looking for cheap thrills (as most of us are in January), nothing (other than a quick trip to Sephora and pinching my husband) brings me a thrill like…

….a new journal with a fresh pen.  A sharp pencil with a virgin eraser can do the trick as well.  They bring me joy, peace, enthusiasm and comfort all at once.  Add some fresh markers to the mix? I’m smiling from ear to ear with a little shiver.

Perhaps my irrational joy has it’s origins in my childhood.  My parents fully embraced the 1970’s “they’ll be fine” style of parenting, which, I guess had it merits based on how many Facebook articles I read about it.  Rode our bikes all day and all that.  The ugly, practical side is I feel like I spent my childhood looking for a fresh piece of paper and a pencil longer than 2 inches with a serviceable eraser, often to no avail.  My pleas for said items were met with a detached “maybe if I get around to it”.  It’s possible they wanted me to create the items from tree bark or dirt during my seemingly endless outdoor time. 

As you can imagine, I fell in love with my first corporate job based primarily on the fact employees had open access to the supply closet.  Pens, fresh pens, oh the sweet, sweet sight of hundreds of pens and pencils.  And notebooks!  It probably goes without saying I overcorrected with my own children and rank fresh writing implements and paper only slightly below buying food on the scale of importance.

When “adult coloring books” entered my awareness, I felt like I was staring at my future.  The books claim to reduce stress, and I could feel the stress melting away as I pictured myself knee deep in an intricate flower design.  Thanks to Amazon, two days later I had two glorious coloring books and some fresh fine point markers, at the sight of which my 8 year old self would have passed out cold.

Imagine my surprise when I sat down to reduce some holiday stress with my markers and my coloring book and found myself…..more stressed.  Wait, whuut?  I kept coloring, believing the stress was bound to go away.  Nope, still stressed.  Actually, even more stressed.  It turns out, the reality of 10,000 tiny coloring nooks on one sheet of paper brings up the same feelings as laundry; a suffocation like it will never end and I will never have enough time.   

I made a vow when I started this website that I would only put positive things into the world.  With that in mind, I don’t want to leave you with a negative review.  I’m happy to report that there is an upside to grown-up coloring books that make them worthwhile!  While coloring in them alone made me feel hostile, when I colored with my kids we engaged in some super meaty conversations.  The kind that come with a feeling of connection you also read lots of Facebook articles about.  There’s nothing like a great talk with your child to make you feel like a parenting genius, right?  In summary, I am all for adult coloring books WITH your kids.  

Although, there is one type of coloring book that I may still try, given my affection for swear words:

Hope you're experiencing all the cheap thrills you can handle this January!

Keely

Be the Bronze You Want to See in the World

It’s cold outside.  I try not to take the weather personally, as I am pretty sure it’s happening to everyone else in my neighborhood too.  Because of it’s reliable rate of reoccurrence, winter itself doesn’t come as a surprise, but each year I’m a little more surprised by my distaste for it.  That said, I love Chicago and unless my husband adds some vigor to his campaign to move to a warmer climate, we’re staying.  

In general, my personality baseline falls on the optimistic/positive end of the spectrum.  However, this time of year I find myself reaching for extra tools to help maintain a positive vibe.  Behind sleep and a portable light machine, the tool of positivity I’ve been reaching for most can be found, as you may guess, in the form of a beauty product. Sure, bronzer and self tanner may be a “lipstick on a pig” solution to frigid temps, but they definitely provide a reliable pick me up on an otherwise bleak winter day.  

For this reason, I am urging each of us to be the bronze we want to see in the world all winter long! 

As some of you may remember from my sunscreen post, my Irish skin appears to be almost without pigment, except for the freckles.  I have been relying on self tanner since I was 16.  Most of the time it just brings me to what other women would call “pale” on themselves.  For me, self tanner is a necessity since I don’t shy away from inappropriately short tennis skirts and do not tan.  Spray tans are not a solution because I believe they should be performed by a doctor.  Naked in a room with a stranger so close is nothing if not uncomfortable.  Self tanner it is!  Here are a few of my standards:

Favorite self-tanner for face:

Clarins Liquid Bronze Self Tanner.

Clarins was one of the first companies that did self tanning well.  I am so grateful to Clarins for pioneering self tanning that I remain loyal to their brand when there are many other competent products out there.  I love this one because it absorbs easily into the skin and gives a nice, light color.  Doesn’t feel heavy at all.  I don’t want my face to look too overbaked, and this provides just enough non-orangey color.  Clarins is good at masking that gross self-tanner smell as well.  I use it everyday in the morning after lotion, before sunscreen.  

Clarins Radiance-Plus Golden Glow Booster:

This product is cool because you can add these drops to any lotion in the morning or at night, depending on your preference, and it allows you to control the amount of tanning you do.  More drops equal more tan.  It’s also an easy travel size.  I like this one in summer.  

Favorite self-tanner for body.

Clarins Self Tanning Milk SPF 6. 

I use this for special occasions when I want to make sure the color is right and I have time to really go for it with a careful application.  It’s pricey for the amount that I use on a weekly basis.  If I win the lottery and it turns out that parabens are fine, it will become my daily self-tanner.  If you are a new or occasional self tanner, this is a good one with which to start.

Alba Botanica Very Emollient Sunless Golden Tanning without the Sun.

This is a relatively new find.  I love it for winter skin because it helps with the dryness, smells like a vacation (coconut) and doesn’t have parabens and all the gunk we’re told is in department and drug store brands.  The coconut smell can be a bit strong.  The best part is that it's only 10 bucks at Whole Foods and even cheaper on Amazon.

L'Oreal Paris Skin Care Sublime Bronze Self-Tanning Serum, Medium Natural Tan

All of the L’Oreal Sublime products give good color, not too orangey.  I like this serum in the summer because it absorbs fast and spreads easily.  You don’t have to wait for a long time before you get dressed.  You can put lotion on after.  It's in the $10 range.  I go though lots of bottles of this.

I hope these suggestions help you to be the bronze you want to see in the world.  To complete your look, check out my Radiance and Niod Opacity Fluid post.

Be the bronze!

Keely