Lashes for Days

I have a product recommendation that will seriously, no joke, thrill all lash lovers in the world.  But first, a word on Prince.  

Like many of you, I’ve been super bummed out about the death of Prince.  Other major icons have passed away, but Prince’s death seemed a lot more, I don’t know, personal.

Prince entered my awareness at a time when I may have been jamming to “Borderline” and making it my job to master the moonwalk, but those artists were quickly becoming a bit cotton candy for my taste.  It’s hard to understand how a man who stood at 5’2, weighed 110lbs (soaking wet, maybe even holding a bag of hammers), favored crushed velvet bell bottoms and fluffy pirate shirts and was not afraid to rock a high heeled boot could captivate my attention so completely.  Especially when my enthusiasm for the opposite sex typically leaned toward preppy athletes in studyhall.  

His lyrics were so grown up at a time when I thought grown up things were an increasingly better fit.  I mean, I was a freshman in high school after all.  My passion was ignited by Purple Rain, but I quickly scrambled to find more where that came from.  So began many a Prince music deep dive.  What made his albums even more delicious was how carefully I had to conceal them from my parents.  I don’t think my Dad could ever knowingly get on board with his daughter listening to Sexy Motherf@cker, Do Me Baby and Erotic City.  Oooooo, “Dirty Mind”?  I think I have one of those, Prince!  God bless 1980’s parenting and Walkmans.

Like every great musician, Prince’s music had a way of making you feel like you had some unique connection to him.  Like he was just yours and if you happen to meet, it would become clear to Prince that you were meant to be together.  Keely Elecktra.  Knowing that artists in the business thought highly of him and that he could SHRED a guitar with the likes of Eric Clapton and Lenny Kravitz made you feel like a music insider by virtue of the fact you liked him, too.  Seeing Prince live was an experience to be cherished and bragged about.  No one’s concert resume was complete without Prince’s name on it.  Prince was a touchstone to many of our youths as well as an artist that our souls instantly recognized as an authentic, other-worldly talent.  What a bummer.  RIP Prince Rogers Nelson, you will be missed.    

In the American tradition of filling our emotional holes with stuff, let’s shift the focus to an eyelash product you have likely not heard of, but will instantly want in your makeup collection once I tell you about it.

Introducing…….One Two Lash!  The false lashes that do not require glue!  You read that right!

A company called One Two Cosmetics, founded by CEO (and Midwesterner!) Katy Stoka (aka my neighbor Annie’s brilliant college roommate), has developed an eyelash that adheres to your existing lashes using a patent pending magnetic technology.  The lashes do not require glue and are reusable.  They come in three styles:  Original, Bold and Accent.  Check them out for yourself at onetwocosmetics.com.  I love the packaging.  It feels substantial, luxurious and satisfying.  Here is a picture of mine.  I ordered the original: 

Essentially, each “lash” is comprised of what is actually two pieces, a top layer and a bottom layer.  Once applied, these layers are secured at the base by magnets, creating the look of one strip of lashes.  Miraculous!  Here is a picture of mine.  There are two sets.  One is wider: 

Random details:  You can wear them with or without mascara.  I have only tried them without mascara because it is my dream to have luscious lashes without having to put mascara on. Set aside a 15 minute stretch all by yourself (or with a supportive friend) because they do take a minute to figure out how to get them on. The instructions that come with the lashes are great, and they have two videos you can watch to help you get the hang of it.  Check those out here.  Once you do, they feel light and lovely!  Here is a picture of me wearing the lashes (it is not filtered and it is SO CLOSE, but hey):

I have a feeling these lashes are going to catch on like wildfire.  I also love supporting a new  business with a truly ingenious new product and a female founder/CEO!   Another thing to love is how committed the company is to getting it right by listening to feedback.  I just received an email asking about my satisfaction and experience with my lashes.  Awesome!  One Two Lash!!  I think you're going to be hearing a lot about them!

Go get 'em!

Keely 

A New Conversation

For a while now, a significant portion of the grown-up conversation has revolved around how we are so busy with our kid’s schedules.  Having been around this “busy” block a few times, when I sense that conversation starting I begin to telepathically plead with the other parent NOT to provide a detailed journey through their Saturday.  Whoa, 11 soccer games, 8 baseball games and a dance recital in one day?  That early?  That late?  Taking place in Palatine, St. Charles and Northbrook concurrently?  That blows.  Realistically, if given the choice between having a conversation about your child’s schedule and being covered by nonpoisonous, biting spiders, I may give the spiders a go.  

That is not to say that I haven’t been the perpetrator of the “busy” talk.  I remember when my family’s Saturdays started to look like an air traffic controller’s monitor.  As someone who values lots of downtime, I was so surprised at how much it sucked that I victimized any sympathetic listener I could find by mumbling our schedule at them in a haze of disbelief.  The truth is, for better or, most likely, worse, we are busy.  Even if, like me, you would rather have your children crawl all over you on the couch for an entire Saturday instead.  Whether you have 2 kids or 6, once the second one starts engaging in the world via organized events, you can throw your hat in the “I’m so busy” ring.

Generally, immediately following the “I’m so busy” conversation comes the time-honored rant that things were better when we were kids.  You’ve heard it.  It’s based on the idea that our parents were really on to something when they only gave a warm hello in the morning and a quick kiss goodnight 13 hours later with limited interaction in between, save a healthy, homemade family dinner.  And the bikes.  Allllll that great bike riding.  When I encounter this conversation, I often consider choosing biting spiders again.  Don’t get me wrong, the “we were tough and had to learn things the hard way” argument has its merits, but it seems about as productive as the “busy” contest when it comes to raising good grown-ups, which is ultimately the goal, right? 

As I see it, there are two inherent flaws in the “life was better when we were kids and subsequently we are the most awesomest adults ever” argument:

1)  Every generation since the beginning of time thinks they are the best grown-ups and the new generation of children is softer and weaker and will certainly spark the end of days.   

I remember my Dad highlighting the ways in which his childhood better prepared him for the rigors of adult life.  Walking 11 miles to school and back in one of his 3 brother’s old shoes.  Being hit by nuns in math class.  You know, the experiential seeds of champions.  His primary argument against a VCR was that it would be the final nail in the coffin for “books.”  I should mention this was a man who thought being forced to wear a seatbelt was the end of private choice in the US and ultimately just for wimps.  I’m sure his father thought my Dad’s generation would never make it because they had the luxury of refridgeration. 

Just as we are now glorifying our 70’s/80’s childhoods, our kids will look back and undoubtedly think that they were better prepared for adulthood than their kids.  Perhaps the argument will go something like this:  Listen here, Jimmy, my parents had to drive me to play dates, not jump in a molecular transporter in the basement and be at Derek’s in under 30 seconds.  Now get in your sleep pod!

And perhaps the best argument for not buying into the belief that our parents had the perfect parenting recipe?  Count how many perfect grown-ups you know.  I don’t know about you, but my number is pretty low. 

2)“Now” only exists because we subconsciously or consciously wanted to improve upon “then”.  

Have you ever met a parent who didn’t want the best for their child?  It’s in our DNA.  We all want the best for our children.  It has been every generation’s wish since the beginning of time that their children have it better, easier and more abundant than they did.  I remember my mom saying that she made it her mission to get us brand new school shoes and school clothes at the beginning of every year because her mom made her wear old ones.  Is she to blame because I really like new clothes every fall?  Maybe.  Overall, we don’t want to screw up our children.  That happens by accident. Our intention is to make our children’s lives better.  Where we get it wrong is when we forsake their development as humans in order to fulfill our need to parent better than our parents did. Or our neighbors do.  

There is value in taking inventory of our childhoods and looking for what worked and what didn’t.  Without taking inventory and the learning that comes with it, we are doomed to repeat it.  Each generation has to figure everything out as they go because each generation is parenting in a different world than their parents did.  For example, we are the parenting pioneers when it comes to technology.  Our parents didn't have to manage screen time and decide if doing homework on a Chrome Book should somehow count against it.  But they also didn't have the same awareness that smoking in your car with the windows closed might not be great.  Just like every generation before us, we are charged with adapting to the world as it is while simultaneously creating a better one.  There are bumps, there are hiccups, there is learning.  Learning can be ugly. Ever teach your child to ride a bike?

Back to the “busy-ness.”  We have unwittingly created a culture where we think there’s an 80% chance our child will be abducted if we leave them in the yard alone.  Let’s blame Dateline and 20/20.  So we drive them everywhere and schedule everything.  But that’s not the only way we make parenting decisions based out of fear.  I think we sign our kids up for everything in sight because we are so afraid that they are going to fall behind our neighbor’s kid if we don’t.  We feel like we are smart, productive grown-ups, but maybe if our parents had only signed us up for violin we would have gotten that scholarship to Brown and we'd really be killing it.  So many of us have crossed the line from making sure our kids have opportunities to signing them up for stuff based in the fear that they won’t measure up if we don't.  We all know that decisions made out of fear are never good ones.  

I’d love to change the conversation a bit and stop glorifying our childhoods as the “right” way to produce the perfect grown-up.  And, for the love of all that is good in the world, let's stop glorifying all this busy-ness. 

Let’s keep the conversation about how we create good humans, because that recipe doesn’t change from generation to generation. Humans need to feel a sense of purpose.  Humans need to feel some connection to that which is greater than themselves.  Humans need to connect with nature and people.  Humans need to feel they are an important part of a group/tribe/team/family.  Humans need to feel like they are good at something.  Humans need to feel that their contribution is valued.  Humans need room to make mistakes and get themselves out of said mistakes so they know they can.   Humans need to have role models and examples of people living fulfilling lives to know they can live their own.  Little humans need to know someone is in charge and it is NOT them.  Humans don't necessarily need to ride their bikes in the neighborhood for 10 hours being fed by whichever random mom just went to Jewel to have a meaningful contribution to the world as an adult.  They definitely don't need 7 soccer games in a weekend. 

If we measure our parenting choices based on what will make them good humans and not necessarily what we think the Ivy League or world of professional sports is looking for (although those things may coincide), then we are on the right track.  You may still find that your Saturdays are “super busy”, but at least you will know that it is something that you chose for the right reasons.

Who's with me!  Although, if you really need to vent about your kid's schedule, I get it.  It's stressful.  I'll listen politely while thinking about spiders.  

Keely

Sun Stuff

Back from Spring Break! How’d it go?  I hope that each one of you experienced ease and joy this Spring Break, whether you traveled to a sunny spot or stayed local.  And if your children experienced joy and ease at any point?  High-five yourself because I know that it doesn’t just happen. 

Obviously Southern Charm, The Americans and Girls all on my weekly TV roster has made the transition to real life more palatable.

If you’ve ever had little kids and decided to travel to a beach, you can relate to calling a “vacation” by it’s real name, “climate change with character building”.  The labor intensity, sleeplessness and general emotional and physical difficulty has brought many a parent to their knees.  I still have an emotionally charged relationship with sand.  Now that the kids are older, Florida actually seems like a vacation.  I still do laundry, but even that seems more fun because my standards are lower and I have a stomach full of fries, an ocean breeze, and I slept 10 hours the night before.

As someone who regularly gets basal cells burned or surgically removed from my face and body, vacations can seem like a dance with danger.  I am nothing if not heroically diligent with my sun safety strategies.  Here are some things I was psyched I had this vacation that also may be of interest to you as we get ready for summer:

Shiseido Glow Enhancing Primer SPF 15

Granted, an SPF of 15 just seems kind of sweet and cute in our world of SPF 100’s.  My approach is to layer sunscreen on top of sunscreen because, why not?  So after my Skinceuticals Physical Defence Sunscreen with SPF 50 that I talk about here, I would apply the Shiseido.  It gave a nice glow to the skin that wasn’t too greasy.  I would wear this alone if I was planning on a swim, or as an actual primer under a light foundation if we were going to dinner. 

Shiseido Sun Protection Eye Cream Broad Spectrum SPF 34 Sunscreen

I love my regular Shiseido eye cream that I talked about here.  Again, in the spirit of “why not?” I tried this eye cream with sun protection a few years ago and liked it.  I just feel like it helps out with keeping that delicate part protected when you’re going to be in the sun for a long time or will be exposed to intense sun. 

Giorgio Armani Maestro Glow Nourishing Fusion Makeup SPF 30

I have made my love of Giorgio Armani foundations abundantly clear.  I have tried and loved, each in their own way, every Armani foundation formulation.  I first recommended the Maestro foundation for those looking for light, matte coverage here.  I was so psyched when I saw they came out with a glow-y one because I am determined to light up my face up like a Christmas tree.  This is worth a try because it gives medium-full coverage, but it looks like your skin, only glow-y-er.  Don’t let the “oil” part freak you out, this will not break you out or look more shiny.  Stop by the Armani counter and get to the bottom of it for yourselves-you won’t be sorry!

**Side note**  Because my DNA restricts my ability to do anything but burn and freckle, I have to create my own vacation skin that others get easily from the sun.  I start out my vacation fake-tanned and bronzy but by the end I have tiger stripe tanner and french fry belly.  To keep my dignity, I wear light foundation and bronzers on my face.  If you tan, obviously skip the foundation!

Peter Thomas Roth Powder SPF

I mentioned this stuff in my sunscreen post.  Worth mentioning again.  And then again.  If you use chemical sunscreen you are supposed to reapply it every two hours.  This stuff feels so good on the skin, never looks to cake-y or powder-y even though I use it all day long over what I already have on.  If you’re serious about sunscreen, get this.  If not, still get this.  

Kevyn Aucoin Lipgloss in Lillium

Surprisingly (or not), I impulse bought this when I was at the store and really wanted a purse.  Seemed cheaper.  Figured I might return it.  Whoa.  I love this stuff!  This one has a kind of metallic-y look, but more sophisticated than the Silver City Pink days.  It feels so good on the lips.  I have been leaning towards lipsticks lately because I dislike the old “hair in the wind, stuck in the gloss” aspect of glosses and we all know the matte finish is popular right now.  I have 100,000 lip products I work down to a minimal 17 for vacations and I reached for this one every day on vacation.  If Kevyn Aucoin is a brand that is new to you, check it out.  They have a lot of products that are reaching “Cult” (ie. hard for me to resist) status in the beauty world.   The contour powder is a favorite and well as the Celestial Light. 

San Diego Hat Company CHL5 Floppy Sun Hat

Great hat.  Wide enough brim to block sun.  Great balance between floppy and manageable.  Packs really well (ie. you can squish it).  Stays on during windy, windy days.  Also, pretty cheap as hats go and better than anything Athleta ever showed me.

If we focus on summer, will it get warmer sooner?  Hope so!

Keely

What Color is Your Lipstick?

I remember sitting around with my girlfriends discussing what we were going to do with our lives.  I think I remember it so well because it was last Thursday.

Who would have guessed that the What-Color-is-Your-Parachute? style of wondering, wandering and discomfort prevalent in our early 20’s shows up again just when you thought you’d put that kid to bed.  We may be less hungover, more accepting of our bodies, less interested in what other people think of us and more able to identify which fashion trends to sit out (high waisted jeans, gray matte lip), but the searching has the same feel.  What the hell?  Weren’t we promised cruise-controlled joy once we found the job, the man (or woman or singleness or whatever it was for you), the career and the babies or no babies or whatever fantastic thing it was we pictured?  Could it be that all this itchiness we’re feeling is just a good old-fashioned mid-life crisis dressed up as a Google search for yoga retreats in India and a cooking class downtown?

“Mid-life crisis” seems like an unacceptable exaggeration but, barf, could that be what it is?  Instead of mid-life crisis, I am choosing to call it the “What Color is Your Lipstick?” phase.  One key difference from the 20 year-old parachute version is that we are no longer looking for what we will become when we grow up.  We are grown-ups.  We’re wondering what we can contribute in a meaningful way that will satisfy us for for the rest of our (hopefully long) lives.  And maybe earn us some extra dough in the process.  Also, can it be quick and easy, please?  

Over the last few weeks, I have taken the liberty of channeling my inner Barbara Walters and interviewed all sorts of women on this topic.   Based on my "woman-on-the-street” data collection, I have come to the conclusion that most women in the “What Color is Your Lipstick” phase fall into one of two buckets.   Many even have a foot in planted squarely in both buckets:

Bucket one:  We realize for real, real that the hands-on Mom phase is flying by at warp speed.  Many of us are at a point where the kids need us, but not all the time.  We’ve woken up from the sleepiness of having little ones and have been struck with the keen awareness that our time with the humans we created is as fleeting as it is constantly transforming.  Maybe it’s all this constant transforming that is turning up the heat.  We’ve been through enough cycles of change to finally understand that there isn’t going to be a concrete point in the future where we get to experience cruise-controlled joy and ride off into the sunset.  We have to create it.  Sigh.  That sounds hard.  All the cliches about time flying by is starting to be something we say, not just something we hear from old ladies at the grocery store.
 
For example, I wanted to be a stay-at-home-aunt, so a satisfying life for me never looked like anything other than having a family and some laughs.  Don’t get me wrong, I have listened to all the warnings about losing myself in my children and have cultivated interests outside of my children.  That said, if I could freeze time right here, I’d consider it.  I have talked to many moms who have kids heading off to college and, barring super bad behavior, I think they would freeze time, too.

Stopping time is not yet possible, so we are forced to explore the questions:  “What’s next?”, “Am I going to like this new thing as much as I like this old thing?”, and, the very scary, “What if I don’t?”  So many of us have this feeling like we’re supposed to be contributing more than we do, but we don’t know what to tackle first.

Bucket two:  We find ourselves in circumstances that we never pictured and are wondering if this is it.  As in, this is it?  Maybe we have a job that pays well but we don’t like it.  Or a job we like but it doesn’t pay well.  Or we don’t even want a job but our lives are getting more expensive.  Maybe we are in a relationship that needs to be shed but we never pictured ourselves divorced.  Whatever it is, while we are more secure in who we are as women, we are still experiencing a low-grade freak out that we may never be able to achieve the cruise-controlled joy we felt promised during our youthful struggles.  Where’s this comfort we assumed would come when we worked through What Color is Your Parachute the first time?

What do both buckets have in common?  Both contain the realization that we have to create the life we want for ourselves, and that we should probably start pretty soon.  Many of us are not sure where to start.  Most of us have solidified our suspicions that we can’t buy, drink, eat or "busy-life" our way to fulfillment, although we have at least tried that approach to make sure it didn't work.   We’re left with having to shed the bad relationship, explore the new career, and finally figure out how to lose that 10 lbs. in order to achieve the fulfillment and joy we desire.   Again, can finding it be quick and easy, please?

So what do we do?  I am not an expert, but I can share my plan with you.  I’m going be quiet and listen.  To everything.  I am going to trust that famous quote, “Your life isn’t happening to you, it’s happening for you” and listen some more.  I am going to surrender to the truth that I have no idea what’s coming next and trust that if I listen to my life and follow my internal guidance system, I am going to wind up in a good place.  I’m going to live gently.  I am going to continue to live with the intention that I want to have fun and enjoy my life and that the search and change doesn’t have to be a complete grind.  I’m going to sign up for the cooking class downtown.  Or whatever.  

At my core, I believe that our lives have the potential to always be getting better.  Change is part of the package.  I am going to be grateful for what I have and say yes to opportunities that come my way.  Even if I have no idea what the hell is coming next.  In a lot of ways it’s why this blog exists.  My body kept telling me to write while I kept telling it to please be quiet.  Eventually, the message became so loud that I listened.  And now each of you have Egyptian Magic in the house, right?

Most of all, my plan is to laugh and cry about this with the women in my life.  We’re all going through some version of it, so the more we can be there for each other, the easier it’s going to be.  The women in our lives are SO IMPORTANT if for no other reason than we demonstrate to each other we are not alone.  And we tell each other about the lipsticks we like. 

We’re all going to be fine.  You know that already, but sometimes it’s nice to hear it!

Go get ‘em!

Keely